I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
