What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
