You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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