Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
