Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
