apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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