Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
