Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We need to get me chipped asap