The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,