life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
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hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
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I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.