Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted