I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
I am invincible.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.