I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.