I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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