Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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