She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
