just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
