a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize