where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
