My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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