just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
