Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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