I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
