Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
