Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
