he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
