worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
