So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
