thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow