Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
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I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
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I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.