on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
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Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was