Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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