oh good, I think they're gone
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning