at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
God has nothing to do with this.