Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
