Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
