Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
