yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just blew my weed a kiss
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
