I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
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She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.