He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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