I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
we're making bets on your personal life
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
