see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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