Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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