Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
