Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
