I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
