Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
