Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
