for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
