So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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