So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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