Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
