god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
