I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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