i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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