Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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