I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
