Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
