My friends, they love my intelligence
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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