I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Randomize
