She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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