i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
