So drunk its hurt
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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