A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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