i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
