you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The struggles of a small town man whore
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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