the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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