I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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