When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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