I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
