I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
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im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
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I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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