He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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