How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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