My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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