I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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