I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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