My liver just broke up with me...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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