My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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