By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
