There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
