I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
