he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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