my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
