Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
