yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize