I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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