I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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