I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
