so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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