I think I won the penis lottery.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
