If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
