he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
