I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
