So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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