he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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