apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
