If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
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You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
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But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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